Relationships: When All Is Not As It Seems

Understanding The Hidden Depths of Our Relationships Using Transactional Analysis

Holly Hartley
8 min readFeb 26, 2021

In the first article, we examined the nuts about bolts of Transactional Analysis and how we can use it to understand and even improve our relationships with other people.

In this article, we focus on the most complex transactions — where there is more going on beneath the surface of the spoken word.

When All is Not as it Seems

We’ve all been in one of those conversations where it’s hard work.

It’s stilted, awkward, and exhausting.

The conversation doesn’t flow, and you have to work hard to keep the momentum going. There is no natural order. Instead, it’s stuttered and forced.

Such conversations are all about the ‘unsaid.’ The real message is hiding beneath the surface of the social interaction.

In Transactional Analysis, we call these interactions ulterior transactions.

Ulterior Transactions

Ulterior transactions happen all over the place. They can be both pleasurable and painful.

--

--

Holly Hartley

Coach | Educationalist | Gen X Career Changer | Unshakable Optimist | Has Big Heart | Personal Development Obsessive | Founder of www.rediscoveryofme.com